In no position to betray my paper,
And myself,
Perhaps it will come out as bitter, but;
She bent me to her will.
I tried,
Revolved around the Sun, one full circle.
Just to find myself at the same pit, even deeper.
Filled with thousand questions,
Since I came to my senses,
I ask myself; "can everything be upside down and am I actually high?"
In a state of Euphoria ever since
I have been wandering together with you,
Wondering what this could become,
I have been looking for you, while you are only at a hand's reach.
Although we make love in the fields of my mind,
Reality hits us different.
I confiscate my hands and my eyes when I'm with you,
As they may lead a naive assault on your hips and your pretty face.
I'm dealing the cards, -for now-
But promised myself to stop when I see the ace.
Know this, I'm trying very hard to keep my eyes away from you, but;
My stray eyes may catch yours, from time to time,
You notice the burning fire within them, no need to lie.
-
I am troubled.
The light you see that enlightens my eyes,
Is of a fire that hurts me inside.
Oh, I know what you are doing.
Here is my written consent;
I am okay with it.
Slap me in the face and teach me to be one of them again.
I need it, at least I want to try it.
It's been so much time since I turned my back to the light
But,
Fear me.
For I keep a beast within me,
That Gods even fear and envy.
It possesses such a might,
Built the longest bridges and said good-bye
Burnt them all in the blink of an eye.
At least,
The beast never lies.
Even when it is sad and it cries.
It is okay.
You need to understand;
It is not a one man job.
I tried
Ridding myself of that animal.
I just can't.
Taught and raised this way.
Stars shine, and we love them for it.
From far.
It's just a child's quest,
To, one day, fly and touch one.
Stars will shred you into pieces,
And break your heart.
They angrily burn themselves,
And others.
You should cherish the time they light up your sky.
For that one day they will not be there:
They will die.
I prided myself in being on it everytime.
Had the ropes in one hand, and my cigar in the other.
Not so much anymore.
I just don't know any more.
I have been played by someone
Whenever I face the mirror,
I see his demon eyes gazing through me.
Can't say I recovered from the hard fall.
My head's still bleeding.
Creeping 'round my head,
The empty feelings,
Leading their way
Through the hole.
Eased my soul too much,
Now it can't stand up.
Trembling legs and hands.
I fear I'll find myself in the same pit.
Only this time I won't have the will to climb one more time.
And that is where it will all end.
The pit that trapped me,
Sure it will make a good grave for me.
And I will live on as a demon in this fairy tale kind of a story.
****
(An ape in this concrete jungle,
Longing for the real one.
Apes don't belong here.
I know.)
It's frustrating,
That I still hold the breath.
